A short story about wrestling

Let me set the scene for you, although it's not much of a scene, because I can't remember the year, possibly 2001. I know that I had absolutely no friends, it was a cold, aimless evening, with nothing much to do except my secret weekend work for Yahoo and probably a pointless Collingwood game in the building years of the Malthouse era. The major problem with Hobart on evenings like this is a sense of paralyzing listlesness, as the cold sweeps into every part of your body, making you want to sleep or lie on the floor dreaming of a better tomorrow. As I wandered the streets for the bus, skipping over the rubbish and the broken dreams littering the city, I saw a sign in the window - big time wrestling at the DEC. I knew there was no way in a million years that it would be the WWF, but it was still American wrestling with old WWF stars like The Barbarian, Mr Perfect and...well, that was about it, but it was still Mr Perfect, it was as big time as it could be in Tassie. And it was at the DEC, so I thought I have to go and see this. I got my tickets nice and early, and when I was in the car park waiting to get in, a man in a black security shirt was telling the crowd when to boo and when to cheer, and I went to have a smoke with a grizzled old man who talked about how he was a wrestler and was hoping a WWF scout would see him and hire him as a manager. I wished him good luck, and went inside, noting a Rick Astley poster on the way in - when did he play the DEC I wondered? And why wasn't I informed?


I think you would know if you read this that I have always loved Leilani Kai, the worlds most beautiful lady wrestler, but in watching her wrestle, I did know a little bit about womens wrestling, so I saw two names on the card having a ladies match and I recognised the American names instantly. As it turned out, when I went in after reading the poster, there was no one there at all, my seats changed to the ringside seats as they rushed outside to give away free tickets to passers by. It was a small crowd at the unlovely, car park like DEC to see the Barbarian spend an entire evening waving to the crowd and not doing any wrestling. The ladies match was something no one seemed interested in at all, although this may just be my bad memory. One lady tried really hard to be the bad girl, one the good girl, but they were getting no response, just silence - pure, awful silence. I felt really bad for them, so I tried to be a one person cheer squad, clapping and booing just as the black shirted security guard wanted. In fact, he gave me a thumbs up, which was nice of him. It was rare for me to actually start making noise, but I thought, to hell with it, I don't have any friends, embarrassment is a moot point at this stage.

Eventually, the match spilled outside the ring, and the lady wrestler who was the bad girl got in my face, having dumped the good girl over the top rope and to the floor. This was all pure theatre as she yelled at me to shut up, and I shouted at her as best I could to keep her eye on the match. It was probably the only reaction the match got and then, in slow motion, she leaned in and slapped me in the face, softly, but hard enough to seem convincing. However, as she did it, she whispered in my ear "Meet me in the car park afterwards" in a strange voice. Naturally, I acted outraged and was theatrically restrained by my security friend. Naturally, it was one of those things that happened that no one remembered 10 minutes later, but I did, it was one of those things that make you think you've been part of the show, but I didn't know why she wanted to meet me in the carpark. To be honest, I took it as a mild threat, part of the show, something like she hoped people would know if I messed with her, I'd be dragged out the back and get my arse kicked. So I didn't think anymore of it - I thought, I was part of the show, great, that's it, and to be honest, I had to leave at intermission anyway, due to a prior engagement. No doubt a lot of people thought she'd scared me off, but I had to go and pick up a dog from a girl from North Hobart, and that's not a euphemism, I really did have to go and pick up a dog...

I took the dog home, and I went back to North Hobart, I went to a pub to have a drink, and afterwards, when I was sitting quietly outside the pub reflecting on just how cold it was and wondering how I would be able to make new friends in this city, when I was tapped on the shoulder. It was the lady wrestler from before, gorgeous in the streetlight, shimmering on her face. "I thought I told you to meet me in the carpark" she said, and then she leaned in and gave me possibly the best kiss I've ever had in my life. It was sensuous, sexy, passionate and deep. I did my best to kiss back, but she was kissing harder than me, I guess I wasn't that hungry. It was a beautiful, life affirming moment, and I'll never forget it. I don't know what caused me to be so lucky, for all the fates to combine in this way, but it melted my cynicism, and gave me hope that whatever was coming, I could deal with it - it was that good, that amazing, that it really changed my life. I'll never, ever forget it...

And you know what, after Collingwoods performance today, remembering that kiss is all that is getting me through the day with a smile on my face...