Sunday, July 6, 2008


Originally uploaded by JungsPN

I think I'm now in love with Vilimaina Davu. This was not an easy decision to come to.

Recently I was chatting on Yahoo (ZOMG, he's so futuristic) with a friend of mine and the subject came up that really, I know far too much useless crap. Honestly, you can't tell someone lemmings don't really kill themselves, it's a ficticious myth caused by the Disney corporation faking footage in a wildlife documentary bar people are "all up in your grill"? I think the fact is, where as I should have devoted my life to science, art or maths, I'm probably more inclined to sit and read a copy of Smash Hits 80s, an article on how a particular album or movie ended up being a disaster, or a book about how a company became powerful then lost a fortune. I love reading things where I learn something, but I think my circle of friends isn't particularly interested in hearing how Starbucks came to be a dominant business. They are probably sick of my Josh Fraser theory anyway, but what is friendship but mutual tolerance of each others boring interests anyway?

Thinking about it though, I really do far too much about stuff that really doesn't matter at all. I mean, do you think I need to look up the career stats of Matthew Lokan? That he played 46 games for Collingwood, kicked 20 goals, was delisted in 2005, was recruited from (and went back to) Port Adelaide Magpies in South Australia? That he was pick 70 in the draft, had a shocker in the Grand Final in 2003 on a par with Rhyce Shaw, and was a key part of the Collingwood Sunsilk Ad winning Tool Of The Year? Do you want me to recite the whole ad? I can do it you know. It was in Chris Tarrants locker, remember? And the thing is, there really is nothing I can do with knowing this, I can't think of a single time that Matthew Lokan will even come up in conversation. Yet, there it is, it sits in my brain along with memories of his big goal against Richmond and my hatred of in 2004, alongside that of Woewodin, Kinnear and Andrew Williams. And who even remembers Andrew Williams? Maybe my friend had a point.

But that's nothing compared to the fact I know who Anne-Maree Cooksley is.

Here's what I do know - she's a celebrity. Here's what I don't know - why she's a celebrity? Now, at this point, I should of course go a big rant about the vacuity of celebrity and why can't people be famous for their talent and why isn't everything like the old days? You think people weren't famous for obscure nonsense in the old days? What about people who walked across high wires between buildings? What about plate spinners or people vaguely related to the King? Anne-Maree Cooksley is simply carrying on a great tradition. If there's a celebrity event, a lunch, an opening, or a day at the races, Anne-Maree Cooksley is there. She's just...a celebrity, in a certain kind of way - the kind that attends premieres and stuff. If there's a TV show being launched, she's there eating cucumber sandwiches. The opening of the David Jones winter collection? Pencil her in, save her an orange juice. She's been in New Idea, she's been in the Lillian Frank section of the Herald Sun, and you might not even know who the hell she is - but I do, and I know she has a career as just a celebrity. She was also the first person I ever saw referenced as a "model/actress" before the term lost all meaning.

She also kinda looks like Suzie Wilks, to the point she could be, from far away, a Suzie Wilks seat filler at the Logies.

And she's parlayed this career from, what I remember, a stint as a model on the New Price Is Right with Larry Emdur (and I have no idea why she became famous when no other model did), some stints modelling bras and underwear in Target catalogues (which I know because that's the other thing that gets referenced in her career and because I flipping through a Target catalogue one day looking for Game Gear games and went "Hey isn't that...) and...well that's about it. I don't think there's been a CD, I know there hasn't been much acting, and last year she slept with Shane Warne (allegedly), which must be every little girls dream right? So why is this all important? Because she's who came to mind the other day when my boss was going on about what was my dream job - I'd quite like to be Anne-Maree Cooksley. I'd like to be famous, and well known enough to go to fashion premieres, but not famous enough to be hassled by the paps. But then I thought - I don't know what her inner life is like - is she happy? Is she sad? Does she think the odd appearance in Ralph isn't enough? What does she do during the day? Does she worry about getting old? Does she have to work hard to get invited to things?

And I'm not sorry I worry about these things, because I worry about these things, and I think it's important in the day and age that everyone wants to tear celebrities to shreds, to think sometimes about how fragile, worried and downright scared they can sometimes be - and how everyones life really is hanging by a thread, how everything is basically up for grabs every day no matter how many free glasses of champagne we get and what seats we get at a fashion show.

Well, at least thinking about her got me through another boring meeting. I still love you Vilimaina Davu though - I'll think about you next time.

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