Confessions of a Lapsed Catholic

June Jones
Originally uploaded by JungsPN

I was trying really hard to find a particular picture to go with a post I had planned on Gagebrook - but maybe next time. I know there's been a lot of people looking for pictures of June Jones from Aerobics Oz Style so here is one to pass the time (I'd have just had another Leilani Kai picture) - incidentally, in my post about Aerobics Oz Style, I forgot to mention the incredibly weird imported to the UK series where they performed in front of blue screen images of Ayers Rock and the desert - what the hell was that all about?

I am enjoying our new radio station at work, especially given they are repeatedly plugging a vinyl revival show on Sunday night, with a special tribute to Bill Wyman. That's fantastic, not so fantastic if you are a 15 year old girl I guess. Anyway, it's kept us away from the religious channel, which is probably a good thing. I like ULTRAs spirit though, they do a lot of good work in the community, it's just the ads that bother me. I've never really bought into religious advertising - there's some great ones for the Church of Latter Day Saints featuring a limbless swimmer who gets a round of applause just for finishing (which wouldn't happen in Burnie - you cost the team a swimming race, you are going down), a kid who crashes a car through a chicken coop and almost kills Grandad, only to be let off the hook for telling the truth (I should have tried that one day huh), and one that features a Dad getting off work to go and watch a movie with his kid (not in K-Rudds Australia buddy). None of these ads seem to ring true at all, they all seem to bring up John Howards Australia. That's before we even get to 3 Pockets in My Overalls, Desmond Tutu talking about a butterfly and In a Jungle one day in a land far away...

While the adverts are over the top, weird, make absolutely no sense and oddly happy in an era when no one is happy, I am impressed with the fervour that the Popes visit has caused, although I'm a bit annoyed I'm much too old now to be part of World Youth Day. I don't like that religion, community pride and hard work is somehow now associated with Guy Sebastian and lameness, since I'd like people to have more community pride, and I'd like that to have a much cooler star associated with it (Melissa Mars?). I understand the religion part of it is pretty lame to people though - I think more people these days believe Josh Fraser will one day be a quality ruckman that a snake caused the world to change. I'm a lapsed Catholic, but I don't have anything angry to say about Catholics or any jokes about priests. In Penguin, I was a Sunday school Jesus in a play, that was the first religion thing I ever did. Luckily for me, I wasn't Jesus being crucified, I don't think anyone wanted to see topless 6 year old me trying to act "hurt", but I know what a serious little weirdo I was, and so I would have given it everything. Later, I was Jesus again, riding a donkey through the school to celebrate Easter - now, I totally, totally wish I could remember, because I can't, who or what the donkey was, if it was a skateboard, a fat kid, or I just walked. I really hope it was a fat kid, but I do know they spent ages drawing a moustache on me in felt tip, and it was a real hard job to get it off. I needed a felt tip razor after that one. I also don't know why I was continually cast as Jesus. I don't think Jesus was blonde...or pale...or obnoxious...

I can tell you exactly when I went off religion - Burnie Star Of The Sea church, May 1987, when I was chastised by a Nun for smiling, and then she went me after the mass. I was a kid, but I wish I'd stood up for myself. I think up until that point, I was quite a decent quiet religious person, but her piety and angry tone really put me off for life. Some reputations are hard to shake - once Effie Michaels couldn't do a leg curl, June Jones never forgave her - and I'm pretty sure any chance I had of being involved in church fundraising or being an altar boy died at that moment. Well, that and i got stung by a wasp at Penguin Sunday School, it's all a tapestry.

Of course, when I moved back to Scotland, I had to discover religion all over again, because it was another reason why I got punched. There was no such thing as a vague or lapsed Catholic. If you are Catholic, half the population hates you and you have to hate them. I'm not sure you become religious to help the community or you belief in God, you just believe in Boyd or McDonald. I don't remember in Penguin ever hating another religion or anything like that - I remember once we vaguely hated a public school because they were poor, but that's just good old fashioned snobbery. Actually, I do remember one time the Priest went off on a rant about Buddhists and alternative medicines, when he thought no one was listening...it was the talk of the milk bar for ages.

I'd love to be more helpful in the community, but I've left religion behind. I only believe in one thing now - the devine healing power of Egg Flip Big Ms...delicious...who couldn't believe in that...