Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Honesty and Polagizing

Originally uploaded by JungsPN

I feel really educated today to learn the gay stalker in the Dominos advert, the one from New Zealand, is MAORI Poppins. It's still creepy, but at least the pun has a point. Don't mind me, I'm just slow - have a Leilani Kai picture to make up for it.

Today something weird happened, blue eye shadow girl had a really horrible awful haircut. Now, obviously, this is nothing to do with me, I just like looking at her, but it was a really bad sort of shag cut. It really impinged on her door bitch abilities - it was really, really bad. It made me think about how knowing me, I'd probably say something to her if we went out, then cause a massive fight. I don't think anyone is really ever prepared for "do I look fat in this" or "the blue or the red" type of questions. I try and spare peoples feelings when I can, but I think back to when I was having my dope smoking, casual affair with the netball player when I was older - I don't think it ever recovered from the day she changed her hair colour. I didn't even say anything, I honestly thought I was just taking my time to adjust, but she was insecure about making the change to begin with, and I don't think my look helped. I don't think anyone is really good at feigning hapiness when their partner changes their look for the worse, it's something we (and I mean especially men from Tasmania) do really badly. In Penguin, they virtually announce in the Advocate their partner looks minging. I think there's a speakers corner and a support group for men who's girlfriend has gone redhead.

I was a terrible little liar when I was a teenager. I really was, I was always trying to hide bad school marks and there's so much my parents just don't know about me. Nothing bad, but certainly not that I spent most of my time when I was looking for a job at some girls house smoking dope. I also have quite an active imagination to this day, and I'm always thinking what my life would be like if I was, say, a guest on On The Couch or a wrestler or something, which really helps me pass the time on slow days. There seems to be a general community denial down here from individuals that they are old, or past it, or won't suddenly wake up tomorrow richer and happier. I saw so many funky dressed 50 year olds at the Tim Rogers gig, it was odd. The girl in the flower shop (who, by the way, is really unaware people going down on the escalator can see down her top, it's virtually a school boy dare every lunch time) seems to spend her time with these really distracted wistful look on her face every day. I walked past her today and she wasn't really thinking about the flowers she was supposed to be putting in water, she was thinking about the scratchcard she had next to her desk, and was staring it, no doubt in hope that she'd win a fortune. If she was honest with herself, she'd quit and do something else, but if I was honest with myself, I wouldn't be in a bank with people I hate listening to Brian McFadden twice a day.

So if I can't be honest with myself, I don't think I have the right to say to Blue Eye Shadow girl "that's an awful hair cut", because she seems like a sweet girl, and then I'd have to apologize (or polagize, as One Republic would say). I might not have been a good honest teenager, but I was a great apologizer. My friend had to write an apology as part of a settlement with the Sydney Swans for sending Nick Davis a death threat, but I've never had to apologize for anything too bad. I'm mostly sorry that I wrote a really mean letter to a girl who wouldn't go out with me in Grade 12, and I'm sorry to the netball girl. Oddly, our relationship was really good not long after I apologized to her, but she never really forgave me, it was just my apology that was good in the short term, convincing in word and deed. I'm never convincingly angry though, I struggle to hold a grudge. My grudges are ephemeral, short term - I hold a much bigger grudge against Shane Woewodin and Richard Cole for walking out on Collingwood than I do against the boss who hated me. I'd love to get more involved in my community, I'd love to be angrier at injustice, but I apologize to make everything alright, to make the anger go away, and maybe I'm not as good at apologizing as I thought - maybe I'm unconvincing.

So having thought all that through, blue eye shadow girl, your hair cut was terrible, but I'm sorry I thought it. If it helps, you should see the state of my wardrobe. That's something I really need to apologize for...

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