Originally uploaded by JungsPN
Above in the picture is my first ever unconventional crush, the lady wrestler Leilani Kai (as we will explore, she was far from the last unconventional crush I have had) who's obvious villainary and the hot way she used to wear her leotard and sexy boots and stomp on the throat of a hapless jobber were always a treat. Anyway, it was all quite sweet and innocent, and since I was 9 or 10, there wasn't much to our relationship. It was all very one sided and she certainly didn't know about me, or return my calls.
Anyway, it's not like we could have gone anywhere in 1980s Scotland that would have attracted Ms Kais attention. The Irvine Magnum? The Kilmarnock mall? Some rapidly declining mining towns destroyed by Margaret Thatcher? But hang on...this football programme is telling me...Think Falkirk! In fact, it's telling me it no fewer than 4 times. When I think Falkirk, I think wasn't that the place I nearly got beat up by not only Falkirk fans, but also Peter Godfrey (more on that later) when I went there to see St Mirren play? If thinking Falkirk inspires a Jung like childhood reaction, it's only the sensation of running for my life.
The programme for Falkirks home game against Rangers in late 1987 is pretty unremarkable. It's probably notable mostly for the fact that it is from 1987, the season after Graeme Souness and David Murray began bringing money into the Scottish game. Rangers have Chris Woods, Falkirk have Crawford Baptie. Full of adverts, it's probably saved by the Think Falkirk campaign, which is underpinned by 56 companies. I like the town spirit in the programme, not just the rallying cry to think Falkirk, but the number of local restaurants and bars which proudly proclaim we're here, we're Falkirk, get used to it! Coasters Arena with it's fantastic video lounge, the new Colonial Bar with it's collection of strong spirits, and the Whiteside hotel, where Mr and Mrs J McIntosh make you very welcome (swingers I heard). All of which certainly make you think Falkirk. However, I must admit that I did kind of admire the fact that this was one of the last football programmes I own that has some community spirit in it. Even with the swingers.
I mean, last time, and this was only a few weeks ago, I was in my home town of Irvine, everyone just kept saying "why whid ye want tae live here? It's shite!" - and that was just the slightly flirtatious elderly librarian. No one seemed to want to be there, and if anyone was thinking Irvine, it was just to get the road out. I was pretty unhappy with this, since I kind of like the old place. Sure, there's some neds, but hey, there's neds in Hobarts. They work security at Syrup nightclub. As an experiment, and tribute to the community spirit of Bill Hughes, president of the Think Falkirk campaign, I'm going to spend tomorrow thinking of Falkirk, and for that, we can thank the humble football programme, rotting, yellow and 10p in Kollectables in the Trongate in Glasgow.
I think Ms Kai and I are going to be very happy together in Falkirk. She just doesn't know it yet...